God has been operating on my heart recently and it HURTS. He is carving out the bad and reconstructing things. I read once before that spiritual surgery is much more painful than physical surgery.
In 16 years of believing in Jesus, I have never been as consistent in my morning time with Him. Sure, it sucks when my alarm clock buzzes at 4:45, but once I stand up, I'm usually good. I am a morning person but my poor husband is not...you can imagine his happiness when I wake him in the wee hours. Take this morning, for instance, when I remembered something in the middle of my quiet time, jumped on the bed and whispered "honey!" and started tapping him. Still, he patiently mumbles an answer (which he doesn't recall later).
Anywho, the mornings have become my solace, my grounding, my prep for the day. Understand, I am not commending or bragging about myself. I am still the same giddy, emotional, slightly screwed-up woman that I was before. But I am learning
to slowly
control my reactions to things, with God's grace. I am seeking out peace. And as long as I am seeking Him and listening to the Holy Spirit, I am doing what's right.
This week, I felt an urgency to confess to and ask someone for forgiveness. I did not deserve it, but I could hear God saying "Go, do it now". So I obeyed. And my universe feels "righted". I felt off-kilter before and since following His prompting and seeking peace, I feel resolved.
Not only because I hopefully rekindled a friendship, but also because I was brave in Him. God gave me the courage to approach a challenge that I was, in truth, quite nervous about. And He remained steadfast and held my hand.
Suddenly, every verse I read seems applicable. Every song lyric that gets stuck in my head is somehow descriptive of current struggles or celebrations. (Unless, of course, we're talking "Twinkle Twinkle" or "Ten Little Monkeys".)
In his book, Forgotten God, Francis Chan encourages readers to "surrender yourself and invite Him (the Holy Spirit) truly to dwell within you, whatever that may mean and wherever that may take you."
He explains that "the spirit of the living God is guaranteed to ask you to go somewhere or do something you normally wouldn't want or choose to do. The Spirit will lead you to the way of the cross...definitely not a safe or pretty or comfortable place to be."
Truly, as He has worked on my heart, it's been difficult. The past few weeks have been painful but empowering. And I have all I need to continue..."his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." (Isaiah 9:6)
