In less than a week, I will have a daughter. And a husband and a son. What?! I am having a difficult time wrapping my head around that idea. Folks keep asking me if I am ready. Hmm, pretty sure you can look at me and tell I'm ready. I look like I'm about to give birth to a bowling ball. My usual answer? "As ready as can be". I learned the first time around: there is no way to be ready for motherhood. There's no way to prepare for the tortuous night wakings, diaper rash, or milk allergies (let's hope not!). And there's no way to prepare for the indescribable OBSESSION that you instantly feel for your little one, the unconditional admiration that you feel when you look at your family and realize "God has given them to me".
Sure, we have her nursery prepared. Her tiny clothes have been washed (some of them....we still have a generous pile of new outfits, thanks to our precious family and friends!) and we have shopped for essentials. We have a hospital plan and we've arranged for Trafton to be loved on while we are in the hospital. It's a whole different ball game with a toddler in the mix....I remember not wanting to leave the hospital when he was born. "What? You mean I have to go home and the nurses aren't coming with me? I can't just lay in bed and have you wheel the baby in next to me?" This time around, I know I'll be anxious to go home and be with my little man.
I've made long-term substitute plans for school. I've met with parents regarding their children and I've tried to get my ducks in a row. All of the expected preparations have been made. What I did not expect was the feeling of God drawing me close to Him. A friend of mine asked me a couple of weeks ago if I was okay after I spent a few minutes with her. She said I just didn't seem like myself. I had a hard time explaining to her. I feel like I am being drawn inward, like the Lord is focusing me for what's to come. I think he is reminding me that NO ONE can comfort like He can; no one knows when this little one will come except for Him. Clinging to the words of this song from church...
Won't you lead me to the rock
That's high...higher than I
Cause I am not able
To stand on my own
I am not capable
Of living all alone...
My soul finds rest in YOU alone
Cause you are my refuge,
You're my strong tower
Against the enemy
Cause you are greater, greater than He.
