Wednesday, November 28, 2012

That time of year

So...it's that time of year again. Everyone is posting what they are thankful for. Soon, we'll start to hear aspirations for the new year. I re-read my post from last year and the hopes I had for 2012:

I want to lose some weight (or gain some weight, depending on what God's plan may be for our family!).

I want to join a church! Chris and I have been searching and we are past ready.

I would like to learn more about the Old Testament.

I want to love other people.

I want to forgive and move on.


The first is my favorite! Definitely went with 'gain'. Praise Him for my daughter! I'll gladly gain a few extra pounds to be a mother of two. My first postpartum workout was yesterday. I feel like I got hit by a bus today. But I feel a sense of newness and purpose, which I am thankful for. Maybe this year I'll lose a few pounds...

The second was accomplished! Chris and I finally found a church to call home. Praise Him!

Definitely learned more about the Old Testament this year. Our pastor spent a few months studying the books of Samuel, so that peaked my interest.

As for the last two goals, I HOPE that I accomplished these. I am human, so of course it's a daily battle.

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This year, I am thankful for a long list of people and other blessings...

Thankful for my family and several weeks at home to adjust, grow, and snuggle together. Thankful for a safe birth and the blessings of recovery and strength following a C section.

Thankful for my mom and my dad. Over the past several years, I have come to an intense realization: I would not be where I am or be the person that I am if it weren't for them. They are, hands down, the most amazing, beautiful, generous souls that I know. I researched the different types of love and here's what I learned: my parents are a shining example of "AGAPE" love. It means selfless, altruistic love. Sacrificing one's self to help another.

Thankful that I live with and love my best friend in the world. Conversation is not always easy, but honesty flows between us. I am so grateful to be married to someone who forgives easily.

Thankful that my son (and soon, my daughter!) are cared for and loved on by wonderful, godly ladies. Trafton spends time with Miss Angela and his Amma during the week. We know that he is encouraged and protected by both of them. When we drop him off in the morning, these ladies offer the best gift you can give a worried mama: PEACE.

It may sound silly, but thankful for a washing machine and a dishwasher. (I seriously think we run both on a daily basis!) Grateful for a home to call ours, and yard for my furry kids to run in. Thankful for the ability to buy groceries, medicine, and clothes.

Thankful for God's promises- He promises that He will sustain us and carry us through. Thankful for His whispers and soft nudges, and for His direction.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Night and Day

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name


I love this Matt Redman song. During my C-section, I recited this song over and over in my brain. And not because I'd heard it recently or because someone had been singing it before me. I felt as if the Lord gave this song to me that morning; He allowed me to concentrate on HIM- not on the scary, painful thing I was going through.

Now, sitting at home next to my daughter, I was just listening to this song. And this is the first time I've ever noticed this part:

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes.


So I'm not exactly a night owl. I can't seem to stay up very late and I definitely don't do well when I'm woken in the middle of the night. Actually, things can get downright nasty when I'm really tired and my ugly shows. Hence, I am not the most pleasant person at 3:00 am, stumbling to get a bottle or change a diaper. But once the sun rises? I'm okay. Once my son starts his morning routine (wake, talk/sing in bed, wrestle with his stuffed dog), I am awake and I don't seem to have near as much trouble dealing with it. Chris has affectionately nicknamed me "Hyde"...think Jekyll and Hyde....yeah. He's not far off.

I heard the lyrics about "a new day dawning" and the first part describes me: once my little family wakes and I have a cup of coffee, I feel ready to face the day and sing His praises. I love the last line, though: Let me be singing when the evening comes. I have to remember that there is a huge purpose behind the 3:00 am wakings, the grumpiness, the dirty diapers, the crying. There is a purpose behind the worry, the loneliness, the hurt, the brokenness, whatever we are feeling. No matter what the "evening" is for us, there is a purpose behind the darkness and it WILL pass. I am to worship Him in spite of all of that, but sometimes it's so hard. I need to sing anytime- day OR night- because I am BLESSED.




Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Chamblee

Yesterday, Chamblee was able to meet her great-grandfather in Clemson. Being named after his wife, this was a special moment for our family. Tiger Paw (our nickname for her great-granddaddy) was clearly happy and proud as he held her little frame in his arms. I was a proud mama too- excited that I could give this moment to him. And THRILLED that my daughter gets to carry the name of such a spicy, beautiful soul.
                                                           Love Tiger Paw's face here!

After we left his house, we stopped by Mema's gravestone to visit. I snapped a quick picture of Chamblee's namesake, the "C" being for Chamblee.
On the way home, I glanced back at the pics that I had taken. You know what I love? That the date of Mema's death cannot be seen in this picture. I did not touch the flowers there or rearrange at all. Our physical bodies might expire but our souls live on in remarkable ways. Looking at this picture, it felt as if God wanted us to see that her spirit lives on. And it lives on inside of my DAUGHTER!

Monday, November 5, 2012

Broken

We are now a family of FOUR! It's been a difficult week, but a beautiful week. Prior to meeting Miss Chamblee, I got my hopes up about a potential "VBAC". (Vaginal Birth after Caesarean, for all the males out there that may read this. My brother is probably cringing now. Ha!)

Chamblee made her way down, or she "dropped" as everyone says, by 38 weeks. I was dilated just a tad, so naturally I started to think maybe I had a chance. With Trafton, I spent 20-something hours in labor, only to discover that my body just would not go further on its own. Trafton had turned his little head, and his stubby nose would not come down the birth canal. I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was devastating and scary to hear that I would go through major surgery (awake, nonetheless!) after laboring for so long.

When I heard that I was dilated with Chamblee, I started to hope. I went for a last-minute check the day before our scheduled surgery. Unfortunately, there was no change or progression. I didn't immediately burst into tears (pat myself on the back!) but I did get in the car and sink. My first thought? "Why am I broken, God?" Nothing seems to work right on me. As a woman, there are certain things that I would like to be able to do; giving birth the natural way is one of them. The whole way home, I threw myself a pity par-tay. I knew there was a good chance that a second Csection would be necessary. But when my body starting progressing on its own, I felt a surge of hope.

When I pulled into the garage, Petey (our adopted pit bull) ran up to me. My first thought was gratitude- thank you, God, for letting this work out and letting us adopt this dog. And the next second? It was as if I heard God whisper, "Your HEART works. And that's what matters." I guess Petey was a nice reminder from the Lord that I do work- I'm not entirely "broken". I'm following my heart and following Him.