Friday, June 14, 2013

Howard E. Lee Jr.

Death is an interesting thing. Some folks are scared of dying, some people don't like to watch those who are dying. Sure, the unknown is scary. Of course, we hate to watch loved ones suffer.

But the beautiful thing about death is that it makes us celebrate life. We sit and watch someone struggle to breathe; we watch as weariness takes over and someone's spirit slips away. Thankfully, God gives us the ability to remember someone as they were. He allows us to remember Tiger Paw as the studious engineer, the hard-working father, and the generous (sometimes grumpy) "GRANDPA".

Some favorite memories:
- Football Games: fried chicken, tiger paws painted on my cheek, sitting on TP's lap while he talked with family and friends
- Tiger Paw and his soapboxes: he had many favorite discussion topics, though typically "discussion" involved him talking and others listening. From the Declaration of Independence to his days of service in the Navy, Tiger Paw loved to tell you about life. Once, after Mema had suffered a few years from Alzeimer's, I went to visit my grandparents at the beach condo. Having just arrived, I sat quietly with Mema, who did not speak much at this point. Tiger Paw proceeded to school us on freedom, our government, and history. Not exactly what you yearn for on vacation. After about a half an hour, Howard informed us that he would "get off his soapbox". Without missing a beat, Mema gruffly asked, "Ya promise?" Following protocol, Tiger Paw piped down and obeyed his wife :)
- A hard exterior, Tiger Paw was not mushy and emotional like some of us. But you knew that he had a caring heart, and he showed his love and devotion in different ways. You knew it was there. During his last days, I loved when he would hold my hand, smile at me, or actually say "I love you" back. Those were the really treasured moments.

Our grandfather went by many things:

To my daddy, Tim, and Howard- "Dad"
To Matthew, his first grandchild- "Big Daddy"
To myself and my brother- "Tiger Paw"
To Amanda and Austin- "Popeye"
To Tammy and other sweet angel caregivers- "Mr. Lee"
And, best of all, to Mema- "Buster" or "Cottonpicker". Probably some other names that I should not mention.

Whatever the name, our grandfather was many things to many people. To some, it may have seemed like Howard Lee was the head of the household, or "the boss". In reality, Helen ruled the roost. And he let her. Always a devoted husband, he knew that he was to honor her and protect her, which he did until the end of her life in 2006. He knew that they were a team and that they had built something together: a happy home and a growing family. From their marriage in 1944, Howard and Helen Lee allowed for God's will to unfold. They moved and adjusted, trained and found jobs where they were planted. Two sons later, they found themselves in Clemson. "Timmy" was born and their family was permanently rooted in Tigertown. Years later, here we are. Big Daddy, Tiger Paw, Popeye...grandfather to five. Life got even sweeter for Tiger Paw when he became a GREAT-grandfather to Trafton and Chamblee. Always generous, always supportive in his own way.
Many names, many things to many people. Sort of like our Great God. Recently, on my way to see my grandfather, I listened carefully to a song in which the singer explains how the Lord walks beside us through life. He might go by many different things, but He is there. When we are young, He is our "elbow-healer" or a superhero of sorts. When we are teenagers, He is our "heartache-healer", He keeps our secrets and can be our best friend. As an adult, I find myself spent and weary with two small kids (three, if you count my husband!). He is my shepherd, my pasture-maker, He holds my hands and gets me through. I want to share the last verse of Nicole Nordeman's song with you- so very appropriate for this point in my grandfather's life:

When life had begun, I was woven and spun
You let the angels dance around the throne
And who can say when, but they'll dance again
When I am free and finally headed home
I will be weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name


Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer
Comforter, Healer, my Redeemer
Lord and King, Beginning and the End
I Am.


After I found out about Tiger Paw's death, I sat in the crib with Trafton after his nap. I told him that Tiger Paw had stopped breathing, that he'd gone to sleep and gone away. My 2.5 year old son looked at me, held his hands in the air and comforted me. "Mama," he said, "Grandpa isn't sick anymore. Grandpa is better now." A nice, simple reminder of how death can be a beautiful thing. Today, I want to celebrate my grandfather, my Tiger Paw, this man with many names. Today, I want to celebrate the fact that he is now comforted by our Healer, our Redeemer, the Beginning and the End.