Well, my summer came to an end today, as I ventured into new territory. Day 1 of my nursing orientation started bright and early, then lasted through the afternoon. Before I start classes and officially say goodbye to the summertime, I wanted to note a few things that I have learned...
Trafton is almost 3, but has the attitude of a spoiled teenager at times. One moment, he tells me, "I love you really much, Mama". And the next minute, homeboy is screaming, stomping his feet, and embarrassing the mess out of me. We've had a lot of fun times this summer, but we've had our struggles as well. We have attempted potty training....um, still working on that.
In the spring, I spotted a bird's nest in our garage. I watched each day as the mother bird would fly in and out; she would sit on her eggs for hours. Sadly, the eggs continued to sit, never hatching. I refused to give up hope, thinking that maybe this type of bird takes longer to hatch. But they never did, even after a couple of months. Finally, Chris discarded the nest (without me knowing, of course). My heart sank each time I saw that mama bird fly to the nest. I realize that this is the circle of life and all that; I know that death happens. But to watch her flutter in each day- dedicated and hopeful- was sad. It was no mistake that this happened over the course of our summer. As much as we struggled, I fell more and more in love with my children. I may have lost my cool or been exhausted some days, but then God would grant me those moments when I'd realize 'holy moly, you chose ME to be a mother'. He has allowed this mama bird to watch her little ones hatch and grow.
Toddler-hood is an interesting mix between being fiercely independent ("I do it!") and needing the help of mommy or daddy. Sort of like our lives as adults. I know that there are so many times that I claim to have it all set, all figured out. Only for my bubble to burst as I realize that nothing is set in stone, nothing is obtainable on my own, and that I am a big ol' mess without God's guidance and grace. Today I ventured into new territory: I had my first day of orientation for nursing school. I definitely felt like one of the old ladies in the group, especially when one speaker asked if anyone in the group was born in 1994, the year that she started working for the hospital system. BORN in 1994??! I was already in middle school in 1994. (I felt even better when I shared this story with Chris once I returned home. His response? "I was already out of high school and working in 1994". Ha! Love my old man.)
Anxiety reared it's ugly head today as we heard all about what our schedules will demand and how much we'll have to study. I got a couple of interesting looks when I shared my children's ages. One lady even asked, "Hmm, what made you decide to go back to school NOW?!" My answer is complicated and difficult to explain in a few seconds, to a complete stranger. I sum it up by telling them, "I am ready for a change" or "God has made it clear that it's time". It's deeper than that though...I want to work for the Lord. I want to put my hands on people and help to heal them. I want to look at someone who is massively disfigured or ill and smile, love them, and help them find peace.
Last night, before this dreaded orientation day, Trafton and I spent some time looking at the website for Mercy Ships. If you've never heard of it, it's AMAZING. We sat on the couch and looked at before/after pictures of people in desperate need of surgical help. We talked about how people look different and we still love them. Trafton saw a picture of a small, African baby with a growth on her face. He pointed and said "She's like Mae Mae". I think my heart stopped for a second and tears came. Nevermind the different skin color. Nevermind the fact that she had a baseball-sized growth on her face. He looked and saw a little girl; he saw a little girl like his baby sister. He saw beyond color and beyond differences. PROUD MAMA. Sitting there with him reminded me (thank you, Jesus!) of why God is taking me on this journey: to love others, to reassure others, to HELP others.
They talked about how important it is to have a strong support system. Fortunately, I have that covered: a devoted, consistently strong husband; Parents and a Mama-in-Law who are amazing; Friends who are understanding (and probably think I'm crazy, but love me nonetheless). Most of all, I have a God who is constantly telling me and showing me that this is HIS path and HIS journey that He has picked out for me. No matter what I think is going to get in the way or be too hard- it all just seems to work out. I can feel Him easing my heart and reminding me that He's got this. Just remind me of this in a few weeks...
