Blessings Abound

When you have everything,
You have everything to lose…

A candle throws its light into the darkness
In a nasty world, so shines the good deed

Make sure the fortune, that you seek
Is the fortune you need.

 

(Ben Harper, Diamonds on the Inside)

 

Lately, I feel such a longing for my God. Hard to explain, but I've found myself craving my time with Him each morning. I can't wait to get up, have coffee, and just be in His presence. Recently, I can feel Him reminding me of all that He has showered me with...
 

Like coworkers that truly love from deep within. Friday, I met a friend in the hallway who just wanted a hug. We wound up discussing the overwhelming feeling you sometimes get as a wife, mom, teacher, maid, etc. Well, I say we "discussed"...it was more like me venting and her listening. What a blessing to commiserate with such a sweet soul. Earlier in the week, I spent some time on the playground with some of our amazing kindergarten assistants. We shared stories about our children, which lead to praise and stories of how the Lord has brought us where we are now. I got so happy and excited that I could've thrown up a tent and shouted "glory" at the top of my lungs. It was straight revival time, we all joked. I love hearing from other women/mommies who rejoice in where they have been and all that they have learned.

 

Another blessing: realizing and feeling how large and connected God's kingdom really is. It's no accident that I am given students whose parents are believers; it's no accident that we are awarded opportunities to share that we know and love Christ. And the coolest part of my week?? Making a friend in Uganda! Yep, AFRICA. "Meeting" another sister who is halfway around the world from me, and being blessed by her words and wisdom. The Lord knew I needed someone to understand the longing inside my heart, so He provided.

 

God's provisions also come in the form of a feisty little two-year-old and his little bundle of a sister...
Like when Trafton covers his eyes to count during hide and seek. His stubby little fingers cover half of his eyes, while he peeks out of the open areas. He counts "1, 2, 1, 2, 9" and then informs us "ready, set!"
Or when he enters the room and sees his sister, he shouts out "Hey, Mae Mae! Kiss her!" and insists on giving Chamblee a smooch. This certainly makes a mama's heart happy.

Suffering through a hug from mom...just up from a nap. He wakes up like Daddy....slowly.

Sweet girl enjoying the exersaucer :)

 



I am so very fortunate.

I have God's more-than-enough,
More joy in one ordinary day...
At day's end I'm ready for sound sleep,
For you, God, have put my life back together.
(Psalm 4: 7, 8)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Knit Together

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar....

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

(Psalm 139)

I am struggling, fighting between what I should be doing and what the devil injects into my brain. I have struggled with this demon for years- 14 to be exact- and it's rearing it's ugly head. Prayer, positive thoughts, scripture on my mirror all seem to help some. Insecurities run wild. Fortunately, my Father God is stronger. He takes my weakness and turns it into something He can work with. My prayers vacillate between wanting to get better and not wanting to heal, instead justifying what I'm struggling with as "normal" or something that will pass. Hasn't passed in 14 years, not sure what makes me think that one day it will disappear.

No matter what I pray or plead, somehow God meets me right when I need Him. On Monday morning, I was having an especially hard time. Y'all, He HANDED me scripture. I read, in 1 Kings, about Solomon's temple that was to honor God. Then I happened to pick up Forgotten God (Francis Chan) and read a few pages. What was this chapter about? Why, taking care of God's temple, of course. And he wasn't speaking of a literal temple. Instead, Chan was referring to our bodies- the shell that God has gifted us to walk through this life inside of. Once we know Christ, He equips us with the Holy Spirit. He accompanies us as we weave down the road of life. He tells me where to turn and how fast to go. I may not always adhere to His directions, but He IS there, gently prodding. I SHOULD let him be the driver, but instead I push Him into the passenger seat.

On Monday morning, after reading these two things, I went to get ready for work. As I dried my hair, I glanced at Chamblee's ultrasound pics that are stuck to our bathroom mirror. Wow, I thought, these look so different now that I know her heart and her personality. She is no longer a simple black and white photo, just a skeleton. She smiles, she cries, and she blesses me with her life. I realized, suddenly, that this is what I am to God...not merely a shell of bones and muscles, but a Spirit-filled child with a heart for Him and for others. He doesn't care if my shell is perfect; He cares what I'm doing with what He has given me.


All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
(Gungor)

Changing

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
                           (Bob Dylan)

I love those moments when your world sort of freezes for a second; you have some sort of epiphany and you realize that your thinking may not ever be the same. Today it hit me: I have "transitioned". I wanted to write that I am OLD, but I honestly don't believe that. I'd rather go with "experienced" or "wise" (insert loud laughter).

Today, as I sat in the doctor's office, I glanced through a magazine and sent some text messages. As I reached to put my phone back into my purse, I paused. Is that? Could it be? No way! YES- a dried booger. ON MY PURSE. I wasn't sure what to do: laugh, be mortified, or both. I wondered how long it had been there. I can tell you exactly how it happened. My stinker of a son walked by my purse, which I hang on the kitchen barstool, and decided that it was the perfect place to wipe his recently snotty nose. I had to smile; I was "that mom". Ready for the sick part? I didn't even mind it being there. It was a nice reminder of my child. Ten years ago, if I emptied my purse, you'd find my phone, a calendar, wallet, gum, and other girly odds and ends. Now?? Still these essentials, along with crunched-up cheerios, used tissues, possibly a sippy cup, and let's not forget the hospital bracelets that were snipped from my 2nd child's birth. (Yes, I realize that these should be somewhere sacred....it's funny how different your experience proves to be with the second child.)

Next, I sped across the street to get groceries while I had grandma at home to watch the littles. Loaded my cart up with formula and other snacks, then went to the checkout line. In front of me? A 20-something young woman in tall heels, a tight skirt, perfect hair. And what was she buying? Well, as I loaded my cans of formula and green beans onto the conveyor belt, she easily handed the cashier two bottles of white wine....and that's all. I was tempted to barter with her...hey, I'll trade you a can of puffs for a swig of that wine! Or maybe a jar of JIF for a teeny sip? As I left the store, I walked behind her and watched several men stare after her. (It was actually me that they were staring at, but I let her enjoy the moment. Ha!) I found myself smiling and thanking God for my life. That was literally me ten years ago (minus the skinny legs)...single, heels on my feet, and ready to have a good time. I called Chris and told him that I felt like I'd just watched myself walk out of the store.

I have gone from a single and free young woman to a married and free young mother. Yes, I have experienced freedom in both of these life stages, but in such different forms. Ten years ago, I was graduating college, staying out all night, and doing who-knows-what. I was free to roam and free of commitments. No job, no ring on my finger, and no little ones to watch over. Now, I enjoy a deeper freedom. I am free to mess up (royally, at times!) because I know that my family and my God will forgive me. I know that I am living in the midst of this beautiful plan that God created; I am free to be myself because I finally know exactly who I am.