Broken

We are now a family of FOUR! It's been a difficult week, but a beautiful week. Prior to meeting Miss Chamblee, I got my hopes up about a potential "VBAC". (Vaginal Birth after Caesarean, for all the males out there that may read this. My brother is probably cringing now. Ha!)

Chamblee made her way down, or she "dropped" as everyone says, by 38 weeks. I was dilated just a tad, so naturally I started to think maybe I had a chance. With Trafton, I spent 20-something hours in labor, only to discover that my body just would not go further on its own. Trafton had turned his little head, and his stubby nose would not come down the birth canal. I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was devastating and scary to hear that I would go through major surgery (awake, nonetheless!) after laboring for so long.

When I heard that I was dilated with Chamblee, I started to hope. I went for a last-minute check the day before our scheduled surgery. Unfortunately, there was no change or progression. I didn't immediately burst into tears (pat myself on the back!) but I did get in the car and sink. My first thought? "Why am I broken, God?" Nothing seems to work right on me. As a woman, there are certain things that I would like to be able to do; giving birth the natural way is one of them. The whole way home, I threw myself a pity par-tay. I knew there was a good chance that a second Csection would be necessary. But when my body starting progressing on its own, I felt a surge of hope.

When I pulled into the garage, Petey (our adopted pit bull) ran up to me. My first thought was gratitude- thank you, God, for letting this work out and letting us adopt this dog. And the next second? It was as if I heard God whisper, "Your HEART works. And that's what matters." I guess Petey was a nice reminder from the Lord that I do work- I'm not entirely "broken". I'm following my heart and following Him.