Change of plan

For those of you who don't know yet, God has given us a second little blessing that is due in October! It was not a total surprise, as we had JUST made the decision to try. We sure didn't think it would happen as quickly as it did though. I am thrilled to pieces and cannot wait to hold this little bundle, but I also felt a fraction of sadness when God confirmed the pregnancy. I realize that sounds horrible, but MY plan was in the works and I was disappointed that it was being interrupted. Let me explain.

Chris and I have recently decided that God wants our family to adopt. This has been a long and twisted road....we have vacillated between foster care and adoption. My husband was not interested in adoption at first. He actually told me that I wouldn't mention it for a couple of months and he would think it was over. Then I'd bring it up again and he'd think "Crap, she didn't forget." Ha! He should know better than that.

 Finally, he compromised and told me that we could look into foster care instead. I naively thought this might satisfy God's plan for our family and it would be good enough for my heart. Big negative. We went to an informational meeting and a few days later, I knew it was not right. Please don't get me wrong: I think foster care is a wonderful way to provide love and support for kids who need it.  But I would never be able to cut the heartstrings and sever a bond that I have made with a child. I would not be able to give them up easily. I confessed my feelings to Chris and he AGREED. He said that adoption was the way to go for our family. I think I about fell over.

Long story short, we have accepted and embraced the idea of God growing our family- by any means that He chooses :) We had actually connected with an agency and begun some of the paperwork involved in adoption. I had searched some of the available children online. (Note to prospective adoptive mommies: do not do this...big mistake.) One little boy's face appears in my mind at least once a day now, but I know that he cannot be ours right now. In the future? Maybe. But the thought of any child being possibly two years older by the time they come home to us is tortuous.

Thus.....I am celebrating and rejoicing at this new baby inside me! What a blessing. But, I am mourning the absence of what I thought was coming sooner. I feel like I am neglecting our other child- whoever and wherever he may be.

But- as always- God reminds me that HIS plan is perfect. His timing is what matters. He will grow and love on my babies- both near and far away.